The following information is transcribed directly from Disky's note pad at the funeral services held on Friday, March 13th 1998.

Next I waddled over to interview some of the suspects at the funeral itself. The entire funeral had the feel of a media circus left out in the sun for three days after a hard rain. What the heck does that mean? I have no idea but it sounded good when I thought it up. I moved on... The entire affair was just to tacky. I would not be surprised if the funeral had been held off for so long just to advertise it for months on end. the place was as packed as a Who concert and I had a balcony ticket.

The first person I spotted (aside for someone asking to see my ticket stub) was a barker offering 'free' T-shirts. This was a joke as even I had to pay $100 to get in the gate. the T-shirts looked a bit fishy. They had Vikki's casket surrounded by a party of mourners printed rather poorly on the front. A careful inspection revealed that on the back they had the words "I went to Virtual Vikki's funeral and all I got was this T-shirt". Now while I'm a tolerant digi-pet I do have my limits. Worse than that another barker was selling off Vikki's spare eyeballs as souvenirs. Even worse while there were sold individually for only $10 a pair of them would sent someone back $25. I never realized how many eyes Vikki had lying around. I saw several crates of them hidden under the table. Being only two feet tall does have some advantages. Worse than that some wolf, who bought four of the 'souvenir' eyes, I spotted some time later snacking on them!! While the buffet left something to be desired, I though this was mega-tacky even if some creatures had occasionally eaten Vikki's eyes when they popped out and rolled away, this was no excuse.

The buffet itself was, true to form, an all you can eat buffet of Vikki's favorite cereal. Quick Time O's. However what they forgot to tell you was this was extremely compressed cereal. One box lasts the average eater several months. The advertising on the box is actually true. It really is the "Crunchy digital breakfast cereal which decompresses in your tummy" and a half a bowl is a huge meal. It is a good thing the company which makes the actual cereal gives it away (they are trying to become the industry standard for all breakfast cereals), otherwise it might have actually cost this Swan character some money. Did I mention that the cereal was free? Well the milk, spoons, and bowls were not. The optional spoon was a mere five dollars. The add-on milk was only ten dollars. The optional bowl (commerative Vikki styrofoam bowl) was where they hit you the worst for a whopping twenty five dollars. God help your wallet should you want to sit down to eat. As I mentioned some of the attendees ate too quickly. Luckily they had stomach pumps available for rent at what Swan described as a 'reasonable price'.